...my elder sister died in a car accident. It wasn't her fault. Two truck drivers made mistakes and she suffered the consequences.
I'm still not over it and I guess I'll never be. I've had troubles with my life before and I tried to fix them, but after that I was really finished. In the past few years I tried to get help by therapy, but it never helped. This year I gave it another shot, but I cancelled the therapy again after a few weeks. I'm not able to feel any joy anymore, no matter what I do. I doesn't matter if I do sports, or take photos, or whatch a movie or whatever.
Everyday ist just a big struggle for me, not living, just surviving each day. But I don't know how much longer I can keep on going, it's just getting harder and harder. And I'm always lonely. Since I was little, I've never managed to find any real close friends and even now I couldn't think of one. Today, I tried to contact a few people, but everyone is just too busy like always.
deviantart is one of the places I can write something like this. If I would post it on facebook, there would be too many family members, or co-workers. It wouldn't be good if they knew how messed up I'm really.
I would really do anything to get her back, but I know that's just not possible. I wanted to get better for her, but without her it's just useless. My body is just a hollow shell and it wouldn't matter if I wasn't here anymore.